Tuesday, September 22, 2009

She works hard for the (lack of) the money.

Alright, so I'm having yet another career identity crisis type of thing. I took one quarter of classes towards becoming a psychologist, and here I am, already changing my mind.

I want to write. I want to start a business. I want to be a waitress for 6 months of the year and then travel the rest. I want to sing. I miss that. I've actually made a couple of connections with musicians, a couple of whom want to record some stuff with me. It would be kind of cool just to hear my own voice on something again.

I've been spoiled in my life. I'm an only child of parents who have taken me out to dinner and on amazing trips my whole life. I am in the process of disentangling myself from a relationship with a man who spoiled me even further. Granted, he never had to, I was just happy to be with him, but I cannot tell a lie: it was NICE. It was nice to go nice places and stay nice places and not have to worry about a thing, financially speaking. And I know he worked hard for what he has, and I could do the same--I have the potential to, anyway. But I don't think a struggling musician, writer, teacher, etc, is going to earn millions.

Why NOT?!?!?! Why is it that everything I want to do, the things I think might make me happy, guarantee me nothing but financial stress? And from the moment I could talk, I was always taught to NEVER depend on a man. I am learning the importance of this more and more every day.

So now what? I think it's time to take a step back and remember that I am only TWENTY-THREE. Sure, I'm working two low-paying part-time jobs when some of my friends have full-time, well-paying jobs with benefits and vacation time, but that's neither here nor there. I think the lifestyle I've lived and the people I've spent a lot of my time with lately have skewed my perspective on where I should be right now. Because the truth is, I am okay. I'm fine. I am just where I need to be. As the Beatles put it, there's "Nowhere you can be, that isn't where you're meant to be"

How cool is that?

Now then, I am off to the gym, and to start re-reading "Eat Pray Love" for the third time. I promise to be less "poor me I'm not a millionaire, wah, wah" in the future. That is all.

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