13 hours ago
Friday, December 2, 2011
Where I Get all Brave and Stuff.
I detagged myself from the above photo on Facebook.
Let's do a little analysis on that girl up there, shall we? I'll be honest. She has a nice face. Her legs are okay too. We are not going to talk about her pale skin. Because that is not the point.
But that girl, on that day (a close friend's wedding) was unhappy with her body. Self-conscious. By no means do I think I look hideous or obese. But for a woman, for this woman, occasions that allow for dressing up and looking pretty are few and far between. You want people to tell you that you look beautiful. You want the man by your side to be proud to be there and want to show you off (this, by the way, is not to say that the man by MY side is not!) and you want to believe that you do, in fact, look HOT.
Even before the truth (photos) came out, I did not feel this way. I felt dowdy and chubby and unhealthy, next to the bride and several other beautiful women.
For the record, that photo was taken on May 20, 2011. Nearly 7 months ago. I weigh, at this very moment, about 4 pounds MORE than I did then. In other words, I've done precisely jack to improve the situation. That's stopping now, bee-tee-dubs.
I was given one body, and that body is a temple (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). I want to take better care of it.
I want to keep up with my boyfriend next time he wants to climb up a mountain. I want him to know how much it means to me that I be healthy for him, and our possible future together.
I want to wear all the crap in my closet that gathers dust as I recycle the same baggy tops, abandoning all of those things I swore I could wear as soon as I shed those pesky pounds.
I'm not trying to be Heidi Klum, or Cameron Diaz, or Britney circa 2002. The goal here isn't to be or look like anyone else. But I owe God, the people I love, and ME the best version of myself, and what I feel is hindering me in that is how unhealthy and unconfident I feel.
So we'll call that charming photo up there, "Before."