Saturday, October 27, 2012

The Ups and the Downs.

I'm sitting on the couch of my boyfriend's parents, in Michigan. It's going to be a chilly but gorgeous 50 degrees outside today, and RP and I have already gone for a run, with the sun shining and leaves of every color blowing down from the trees onto the pathway in front of us.

(I make it sound like this run was all peaceful and tranquil and crap like that. Truth be known, there was a lot of panting, sweating, whining on the inside. From me, anyway)

We're here because his big brother is getting married, and we've been having the most fun every just hanging out and being with each other.

So things are good, here.

Meanwhile, near San Diego, CA, my aunt and uncle are sitting in a hospital room, where my step-cousin is in a coma after a car accident. His injuries are extensive, and the prognosis is bleak. Things are devastating, there. I am praying, hard, for his recovery. I am asking God for a miracle. How He chooses to execute that miracle, is up to Him. I don't know if his recovery is possible. If he wakes up, walking and talking tomorrow, I'd be forever grateful. For him, for his child, and his fiancee. And certainly for his parents and his sisters. But if that isn't going to happen, then the miracle I'm praying for is simply this: peace. Peace for those that love him, for they are some of the people I love most in the world. Peace for the doctors who are caring for him, and peace, somehow, for him.

I feel a little guilty, you know? How can I be enjoying my life, thousands of miles away, while my family hurts? I've been wrestling with it, but have found some clarity in the truth that tomorrow is not promised to us. At least, not the tomorrow we've cultivated in our minds. Things can change that swiftly, without warning or a place to hide. I wish (is there a stronger word to use there? I wish I knew it...) it didn't take these tragic reminders, that seem to come so often to so many, to bring that fact to my self-absorbed attention. In the midst of the scary, uncertain, and downright shitty times, it's important to remember that I am still drawing breath and therefore should be present. For the good, for the bad, for the mundane and the extraordinary.

So today, I'm going to sit in the second pew and watch two people commit to each other, come what may. Against the odds, the formidable statistics that plague all of those brave enough to enter into marriage. That, combined with every other damn thing that can go wrong, is kind of terrifying. Okay, completely terrifying. What trumps the fear, thank God, is the insane amount of fun that goes along with hanging out with your best friend for the rest of your life.

And then I'm going to dance. And eat cake. And probably have a couple drinks. And if all goes well, body slam a couple of bridesmaids in pursuit of the bouquet.

Yeah, I'm going to be THAT girl. And hopefully learn to be that woman who doesn't miss the ups for fear of the downs.

"She is clothed with strength and dignity...she can laugh at the days to come"

-Proverbs 31:25

No comments: