Wednesday, April 13, 2011


Yes, again with the change.

My roommate is getting married. Yes, married. Turns out, I have reached the age at which my friends are allowed to get married and no one raises their eyebrows, saying, "Really? But they're so young!" Apparently, we aren't.

My roommate is getting married, and I'm finding an all-too-short time of my life is coming to a close. The obvious reason it seems so difficult to let this go is that, to put it simply, I'll miss her. She's one of my very best friends. But deeper than that is the season of our lives we spent meeting each other, getting to know each other, failing together, succeeding together, growing together. We didn't just share space, we really and truly LIVED together. Few words, and none that I could write, could ever really describe how grateful I am for the appearance of this woman in my life at the precise moment I needed her. She has witnessed so many of my failures, so much of the me that was willing to settle for less than I deserved. She made it okay for me to turn and run the opposite direction of what was healthy and right for me. She recognized that I needed to learn some lessons on my own. The words "I told you so" have never left her lips. No other woman in my life has ever exhibited such grace and wisdom. She faced her own struggles, and in doing so allowed me to rise to the occasion and become the kind of friend I'd always wanted to be....the kind she's been to me.

She met her fiance last May. They're saying "I do" one year, to the day, after their first date. And he couldn't be more perfect for her. As she was falling in love with him, I was struggling, both with the pain of finally letting go of a relationship that truly, fell short of every desire my heart had ever felt, and with the notion that someone so wonderful could not exist for me. She told me, she was sure, it was just around the corner.

This is where I become the girl who can't get through a post without bringing up her boyfriend.

But she was right. Despite my past, despite my failures, despite my being, well, ME...he showed up. And he wanted me. He pursued me, and then he loved me. And he's still here, constantly amazing me with his patience. I can't yet be certain of what the future brings, but I am experiencing the sweet and terrifying feeling that accompanies telling another, "You have my heart, please be gentle". It is truly scary to have so much to lose, but if you're willing to commit to someone, shouldn't it be someone you know will handle you, your baggage, and your heart, with care?

In a sort of, "We have come full circle" moment, my roomie and I were out to dinner tonight. We overheard a girl at the table next to us telling her friends about the third time she'd taken back her cheating boyfriend. The temptation, of course, was to pity her and be smug about how that would NEVER be us. But no...that ISN'T us ANYMORE, and we didn't get to this point alone. We sat listening, and at the same time we both said "I am SO thankful right now." And it was so nice to be able to share that gratitude with her...someone who understands, and always will, the road I took to get here. Where the road goes from here is uncertain (though, between you and me, I have a pretty good idea of my destination of choice) but tonight I have no doubts that where it leads is EXACTLY where I need to be.

Makes all that change a little less scary, after all.

1 comment:

The Casuist said...

yup changes are scary, but unavoidable.