Sorry, had to throw in the Mariah reference. Once a fan, always a fan. However reluctantly.
Anyway, seriously though, I really did have a dream last night in which I met HIM. You know, the one. Yes, I am aware of the absolute ridiculous nature of this statement, but in the dream, I was with a man who I could only explain as my soul mate.
I don't remember his face or his name. I dreamed him up and can't even remember what he looked like. I can't remember a single detail of this fictional character, but the dream itself is VIVID in my mind, still. Even in my dreams, I felt at ease. Completely, totally, unfailingly SAFE. It was like I was meant to talk to this person, laugh with this person, hold this person's hand. I didn't even doubt it. Though I can't remember anything visual, really (so for the purposes of this blog we're going to assume he looks like Gerard Butler) it was the FEELING I remember. Attraction was there, but it was so much deeper than that. It was instant, and it just felt RIGHT. Is that how it happens? Do you just KNOW? It was more powerful than any feeling I've felt for another person before, by far. In a romantic sense anyway. In the middle of the night, in my subconscience, I felt the deepest connection I have ever felt.
WITH SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T EXIST. WHAT THE F IS THAT?!
I woke up feeling:
A. Crazy. As in, certifiable.
B. Sad. As in, why have I never experienced this in my actual life? Can we expecting this anytime soon, sometime in my conscious hours, perhaps?
C. Cautiously optimistic. If that's what it's like...I could take a few more days and nights of that. It was also a reminder, as if I needed another, that I have never felt anything close to that wonderful before. I don't need to look back and wonder anymore if the best has already passed me by. It hasn't, not even close.
Perhaps the meds they prescribe for my crazy ass will provide continued fantasies and hallucinations until the real thing shows up.
2 weeks ago