Some photos and such...

I had a FANTASTIC evening with my girlfriends last night. I hadn't seen this particular crew since May, which is beyond my comprehension. Lord only knows how much being around them might have helped me over the past 6 months. But anyway, seeing them last night in my much-improved state was just what I needed. It is unbelievably comforting to know that there are people in my life who I can go months without seeing, but walk into a room and feel as at home as I would have had I seen them yesterday. We attempted board games, drank, talked about life and love and sad and happy things, drank some more, and laughed. Mostly we laughed. I sometimes forget how much fun it is to laugh until you can't breathe and are quite sure you WILL pee your pants...I didn't, by the way.

Anyway, to break up the overabundance of words I've been putting up here, here is some cuteness for you, from my long-overdue visit with Nichole and Ella last week.


The sunglasses were a hit.


My favorite little munchkin, a couple weeks shy of her first birthday.

Good Lord, I feel old.

Here comes the sun, little darlin'...

So, the bad news is, my former Wonderful Man, is, by many accounts, turning out to be a bit less than wonderful. Maybe not as bad as some of my past winners, but certainly not as perfect as I once believed him to be. It hurts to find this out, but the good news is...

It doesn't matter. I'm free. I stood up and walked away. Sure, I cried a little, but I cry a little at A Baby Story, and commercials for the United Negro College Fund. The good news is, whatever horrible things he may have done or might still be doing, it is not my problem anymore.

Hell yes.

I'm suddenly feeling all kinds of excited about life. When all of the anxiety I formerly carried because of him was finally lifted off of my shoulders, it was like every other aspect of my life came flying back into focus. I dropped out of school, for starters--I don't want to be a psychologist, go figure. I realized I hate my job, so I'm going to look for a new one. I lost five pounds last week! Not "I'm so depressed I can't eat" pounds, but "I'm eating healthy and exercising like a madwoman because I finally FEEL good!" pounds. I'm going to start singing a bit with a band, and recording. I also really want to write, a whole lot more. Expect to see the overflow of that on this blog--perhaps with some photos, being that the word vomit is likely going to get old.

We broke up, allegedly, because of children. He was also old, and while the sex wasn't (usually) bad, let's face it everyone--I'm a 23 year old woman. I've had better and dammit, will get better on a regular basis in the future. Word.

But back to the kid/future/epiphany thing. Everywhere I've been this week, I've been seeing and noticing the little ones, and it just keeps reinforcing to me that I was just born to be a mama. Other than Prince Charming to father them, there is nothing I want more than babies. I want them to be loud, difficult, hilarious, cute, smart, special, slightly neurotic like their mother, just plain AMAZING little human beings. I want the chaos, the mess, and every sweet little moment that comes along with them. And I want to share that whole sweet, chaotic mess with a man who loves me, who is my partner, who makes me laugh and makes me breakfast. I deserve that. Shit, we all deserve that. I've decided not to settle for less.

It's coming, I know it. And while I truly cannot wait, I am looking forward to all of the experiences that get me there. Which, let's hope, given my current account balances, includes me becoming independently wealthy.

Fingers Crossed.

Gratuitous Picture Post.

Ella and I had a photo shoot the other day. This happens, pretty much, whenever I happen to have my camera with me. It's been a beautiful week in the PNW, but the only pictures I've taken are of this 4-month-old drool machine. I only have a little over a month with her (unless I find that real job) and am really, really going to miss this:


And this...


Even this...


And especially this:


I can never thank Nichole enough for letting me have this time with her...And Kathy, now I understand why one might think she's mine! I do love that little girl.

Today is Saturday, and though my wandering about the house in sweats all morning thus far would indicate otherwise, it is NOT going to be one of those Lazy Saturdays. Too bad, because I could use one...

My Loves...

On a lighter note...for those who don't know, I work at a preschool two days a week as a teacher's aide. We teach two-year-olds, and by "teach", I mean that we make sure they don't kill themselves or each other throughout the course of the day. I probably won't stay through the year this time, as I need to continue the "real job" search, but I just can't give my notice yet. It doesn't take long to get hooked on these little darlings, even when they're wiping their muddy hands and snotty noses on your pants. And they're not even mine. I am so screwed when I have my own.

I have a ridiculous soft spot for this little girl. She tends not to behave well all the time, and I honestly don't care. I adore her. Mmm, sugar

This little man, too, holds a special place in my heart. As you can see, we have not reached the "binky free" portion of the school year.

They had a pajama party for Halloween. She was told not to sit in the toy basket. My authority carried little weight once I started cracking up and taking pictures whilst telling her to get out.

Love, love, love....

Here she is again...every time the camera came near her she would slap on this crazy smile and then demand to look at the photo. Every time this was followed by demands for a retake. Sound like anyone you know? No wonder she and I get along so well.